Thursday, April 14, 2016

Chapter 33: Tangling up

So what is the difference between a meaningful affair and a meaningless fling? Semantics? Does one reduce the actions in significance, thus making said actions more easily excused? If it's meaningful, will it hurt more when the inevitable end comes? Does meaningful imply love between the two parties; whereas meaningless is equated with loveless? Too, what is the difference between an affair and a fling?

That last question is possibly the easiest. Affairs are long-term, thought-out, and emotion-laden. Flings are quickies; get-togethers between two who need and want for the moment, but cannot sustain for the duration.

Can one have a meaningless affair, or is that an oxymoron?

If I have a fling, does it mean that I'm as expendable to him as he is to me, emotionally? He's certainly not expendable. Otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here, on-line, with my computer's chat mode enabled.

If I have an affair, am I committed to supporting and taking care of him much like a wife might? How very unattractive. Affairs, it seems to me, should be -- or are -- escapes. I want to compare them to the rabbit hole that Alice fell into, to a dark alley that one ducks into, or to a secret hiding place one can crawl into.

All of the comparisons involve going into something. How fitting for an affair, being that it's usually sexual in nature. He's going into me, literally and figuratively. I'm letting him come into me. We are into each other mentally. I'm into him, a teenage girl might say. Come into my office, my house, my life. Come into my emotions, needs, and wants. Come into my hang-ups and issues. Come tangle with me.

Tangle implies knots and confusions. An appropriate word, much like into. Fitting. Exact. Defining. We tangle our bodies, entwining until where one ends and the other begins is lost. We tangle our words, playing with them to hide truths without lying. We tangle our emotions, riding them as if they were ocean waves... and waiting for them to crest, throwing us into the water and tangling us up even more...